Sunday, November 06, 2011

Happy Family Tip #5

*This is not a series. I never posted tips #1-4, but what I'm about to share with you just doesn't deserve the #1 spot, and 5 is my new favorite number. Please don't check back regularly for other tips because there honestly may or may not ever be any...I just thought this up while I was toothbrushing fossilized food particles out from the creases on our rad barstools and it's too long for a Facebook status. *

That being said...

If emptying the dishwasher is normally your responsibility and someone else, be it spouse, child or houseguest, does it for you, it is likely that a few (if not most) things will end up in the wrong spot. This almost always applies to anyone but your own mother who intuitively knows where stuff goes in your house because you probably set it up a whole lot like she did. Anyway, upon discovery of an empty dishwasher and oddly-placed clean dishes, or jumbled silverware, appropriate responses would be as follows:

1) Smile sweetly and say thank you.
2) Jump up and down and say thank you several times in a row while giving out fist pumps like a rock star.
3) Make said helper's favorite meal or dessert.
4) Leave a thank you note in said helper's lunch the next day or on their bed.
5) Throw a parade complete with marching bands and floats.

These things ensure that someone helping you unload the dishwasher MIGHT POTENTIALLY happen again. Which is what we all want, right? Unloading the dishwasher is the opposite of fun.

The following reactions are completely inappropriate:

1) Complaining, either to the helper, out loud to yourself within the helper's earshot, on Facebook later or in a text to your friends. Complaining EVER. To ANYONE. The Universe hears and will tell on you.
2) Correcting the helper. It takes far less energy to move the colander from the "mixing bowl place" to the "colander place" or to open a couple of cabinet doors to locate the measuring cups than it ever would to unload the whole freaking dishwasher. If you must fix it, do it when they can't see or hear you fix it.
3) Leaving the next load of dishes in the washer for three days and then obnoxiously telling your helper something along the lines of "well, you seemed to enjoy it SO MUCH last time, I just thought you'd like to continue rearranging my kitchen." I only write that because someone told me they actually said it to their husband. I know.

The above reactions are likely to guarantee that your helper never again helps you WITH ANYTHING. This is, clearly, not something any sane person would willingly choose.

Then again, if you don't want someone else to take care of this annoying little chore for you because it's your favorite part of the day, well...I don't understand you and I'm not sure we can be friends.


Kalyn said...

I know I Don't comment much anymore- but this post just HAD to have a comment. I love it that much!!!


KKGhoffman said...

ok now i want to know who said this. I deleted my facebook account but this sounds like something you personally saw on facebook :)


Our Family of Four said...

So what did YOU say? 'Cuz I think it depends on my mood if I would have chosen the good list encouraging help in the future, or the bad list ensuring dishwasher duty 'til the day I die.