First, Carly got into our bed at 3:15am and both Paul and I are too worn out from this stupid cold to kick her out and she takes up so much room that I eventually moved myself to the couch where I didn't sleep at all because I'm pretty sure I have a sinus infection.
Then the baby screams like a banshee all morning long and since I can't put her down for three seconds and Paul is too distracted with Carly - the only person who got a good night's sleep - talking incessantly and him trying to get enough cold medicine in his system to make it through the day, I pulled the bread out of the refrigerator with one hand, also pulling out the GIANT bowl of watermelon which spilled sticky juice all over.
I break the zipper on Carly's lunch box and while I'm fixing it I tear my nail to the quick. Carly has to change clothes three times because she keeps slipping on patches of watermelon juice I missed and we end up running later than ever and finally pull out of the driveway three minutes before we're supposed to be at preschool.
Then I run into one of our neighbors cars which are ALWAYS parked directly behind my driveway and I never hit them before so I don't know what was wrong with me except for being sick and late and having both girls now screaming like someone is trying to cut off their legs and being so flustered and exhausted and in pain I just drive away without looking for damages.
(This is the part where Alexander would try to move to Australia if you've ever read the book this post is titled after.)
Then I get stuck in traffic in the wrong lane and get lots of beeps at me and then when I take off I spill an entire cup of very hot coffee in my lap and then when we get to the store I realize I've left my debit card and all my shopping bags at home.
And then I see my bumper which is broken and dented.
So then Paul calls me to tell me that his monitor has terrible, horrible, no good, very bad news about what might be going on with our next job assignment and I tell him that I broke the car and he says that I need to go tell the neighbors because I could be sued and taken to jail for leaving.
My day did get a tiny bit better when we realized that the very new car I ran into has zero damage. At least I won't have to go to jail.