7 Things I've Learned in 7 Years of Marriage =)

You will probably notice that one of the blogs I (sometimes) follow has this same exact title. I say sometimes because when I can tell it's a 'sponsored' post, I take a pass. This, however, is such an interesting idea and like most interesting ideas I come across, I'm going to just take it, tweak it and pretend it was mine all along. =)

That being said...we're celebrating our seventh anniversary next week. Thursday, to be exact, which also happens to be the day he gets home from being in the field for two weeks. We neither one of us are feeling the seven year itch, whatever that is, and I'm pretty sure it's because at this point you've either grown together or you haven't. And if a couple hasn't, the itch is probably just their need to feel that connectedness to someone...that's what I figure. Lucky us! =)
Anyway. Onto the list! (I love a list!)

1) Date Night is mandatory.
Paul's parents told us this from the start and they were SO right. Even when we were pinching pennies to send Carly to a good preschool and a good kindergarten, and going out to dinner every week was simply out of the question, we made Saturday nights about us. The books will tell you not to talk about work and not to talk about the kids, but that's a load of...well, a load. Talk about what is on your minds, and if it's kids and work, so be it. We sometimes see a movie, but never ONLY that. First we talk, and talk, and talk. See below.

2) Be friends.
For us this means knowing what is most important to the other and taking a real and vested interest in that. When we lived in Louisiana, I knew more about recruiting policies and procedures than most of the recruiters probably did - that's what was on Paul's mind all the time, so that's what we talked about. Lucky for him, what's most important to me right now is raising these kids to be amazing, independent, smart women, and he actually already has a pretty big stake in that operation...so he gets off easy. =) This also means hanging out together - quantity time, as much as you can get. Usually that means an hour or so a day during the week, but it's sacred. Friendships take effort, and it's important to maintain that most comforting bond. What this does not mean (for us) is sharing every single interest and character trait. If Paul and I were a ven diagram, that middle pointy-egg part contains our most important values, our ideas about family, and work, and home. Being friends means taking trips to the outside circles...he provides the up-high reaching power for my crafty projects and I wait at finish lines on race day.

3) Be his/her biggest fan.
Be supportive, it sounds so easy, right? At it's most basic, this means not complaining when his job or his passion (sometimes one and the same thing) inconveniences me. It just so happens that he is one of those terribly annoying people who are great at practically everything they do (aside from minor home repairs, but hey nobody's perfect), and he knows I think he's amazing. Shoot, everyone within facebooking distance knows I think that. This can occasionally be aggravating to others who aren't quite as effusive about their husband's awesomeness, sorry! And it goes both ways - while I might not have an actual job per se, and what I do would be what I would do even if I were bringing home some bacon =), he doesn't let me forget that he thinks I'm doing great. So yay!

4) A positive attitude changes EVERYTHING.
We've moved a lot in our marriage. I hate everything about the actual move itself. Absolutely everything. The chaos, the disorder, the living out of suitcases, the ridiculous expense of retrofitting the new place to hold all of our stuff...all of it. What I do like, however, is doing work that has a clear beginning and clear end. When a box is unpacked, broken down and stacked in the garage, it is DONE. I like that, and find great satisfaction in it. There may or may not be a little trash talking (well you're flat NOW, aren't ya? What's that? That's right - NOTHING) thrown in - I'm not ashamed to admit it. But the point here is, things can only be as bad as you let them be. The other blogger said that raising children can suck everything out of your marriage and that just seems like such a defeated and negative way to look at it. Yes, raising kids is a challenge - nobody will deny that! But, like moving, or tight finances, or long work hours, or difficult family decisions...it's only as bad as you let it be. You can focus on the tunnel or you can focus on the light, ya feel me?

5) Be in it for the long haul.
At this point, we're starting to settle in, which feels so nice, becase we certainly didn't have an easy start to our marriage. On the one hand, knowing someone for five months before you say 'I do' is plenty of time, especially considering the fact that we knew where this thing was headed two months in. But on the other hand? That's less than half a year of weekends-only. We were completely crazy, and we've never looked back. Even through rough times, we've always been headed in the same direction...it may sometimes have been more of an arms-crossed stomping than holding hands and skipping through wildflowers, but that commitment never changed.

6) No bean counting.
Just assume that the other person's daily work is infinitely more difficult, challenging and stressful than your own, then do what you need to do to make the rest of their life as easy and peaceful as possible. Paul does this by letting me sleep in most Saturdays and by making sure I have at least a few hours of free time on the weekends. I do this by making sure he has a calm, undusty house and a nice meal to come home to. It works for us this way, but each couple has to find their own balance.

7) Find mentors and LISTEN to them.
This could be anyone who has a marriage you want to emulate. Just like they say successful business people have a mentor, a spouse needs one, too. I have been SO fortunate to have stayed in touch with the amazing couple I worked for in college - I can think up seven things that I think are important for a good marriage, but what do I really know? I've been married for seven little years. They're going on 40 years together, and are still ridiculously in love, so I figure they probably know a thing or two about this marriage thing. =)

Okay! That's what I've got. I'm excited to see what more I can learn this year! =)